How Do I Talk to My Teenage Daughter About Crushes Without Making It Awkward?

Dear DGG:

I’ve noticed my teenage daughter is being teased by her siblings about a boy. I don’t know if she actually likes him, but I want her to feel she can talk to me about these things without fear or shame. In our household, topics like crushes and love aren’t usually discussed openly, so how do I approach this conversation in a way that feels natural and supportive, without making her feel weird or judged?

From a Concerened Parent

Dear concerned parent,

First, I want to commend you for noticing this shift in your daughter and being concerned rather than looking away. That’s a great start. Many parents miss these quiet moments, or notice them and let discomfort win. You’re already doing the harder, better thing.

Here’s the truth about trust. It isn’t built in one conversation. It’s built in a hundred small moments where your child tests the waters with a joke, an offhand comment, a “guess what happened today”, and watches how you respond. If your reaction is calm, curious, and free of judgment, she learns something important: “I can bring this to my mother”. If it’s tense, dismissive, or laced with lecture, she learns the opposite, and she’ll simply stop bringing things to you. This is not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s protecting herself.

Therefore, rather than planning one big “talk,” look for small openings. You could start lightly about the topic in general with something like, “I remember being your age and how confusing crushes could feel.” This tells her the subject isn’t forbidden in your home. If she brings up the teasing herself, resist the urge to probe or correct. Just listen. Reflect back what you hear without asking her to confirm or deny anything she isn’t ready to share.

And when she does open up, even a little, guard that moment carefully. No teasing, no repeating it to relatives, no using it against her later. Consistency there is what turns “my mother says she’s safe to talk to” into something she actually believes.

This will take time, especially if your home hasn’t talked about love and crushes much before. That’s not failure, it’s just your starting point. Be patient with her, and with yourself too. Every non-judgmental response is a small deposit into a trust that grows over time.

Best regards,

Queen Angela Norman

(Clinical Psychologist)